40+ of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (July 26, 2025)

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  • 01
    {{{MEANWHILE 3.0}}}, (parenthe... @yourmombeats There's a subreddit for skaters over 30 called r/ oldskaters and Tony Hawk posts in it like he's just some guy 11:21 PM 7/16/25 8.8M Views . . 405 1 11K 345K 15K ↑
  • 02
    OG @Randy_Shannon Ladies and Gents - I present to you a 1973 Chrysler New Yorker's exquisite crash safety features 9:57 AM 7/17/25.5.6M Views 1.9K 17 7.3K 80K ☐ 7.7K ↑
  • 03
    ЅЄИІ @zalatwicc what's a beginner hobby for someone just getting into being happy 7:47 PM 7/14/25 23M Views 11K 17 29K 457K ☐ 67K ↑
  • 04
    No Context Brits @NoContextBrits Alexander Graham Bell is calling me. 20:35 1 Calendar Photos Camera Contacts 7:46 PM 7/14/25.3M Views 112 17 3.6K 130K 2.2K ↑
  • 05
    rowan @calicosmall Once i matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood so i told him to go outside and scream and he did. and i heard it . 8:18 AM 7/15/25 4.1M Views 184 17 7.7K 328K 6.6K ↑
  • 06
    user @user84829272 All strapless bras need to be taken off the shelves. A total recall. We do not have the technology yet • 9:56 AM 7/15/25 4.5M Views 430 17 17K 203K ☐ 4.6K
  • 07
    Roxy @RoxyTall I love it when my paper towel holder cow is fat and hate it when it's skinny • 8:07 PM 7/15/25 1.8M Views 89 14.2K 120K 3.5K ↑
  • 08
    ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt my very sweet friend did not realize that the girl who was talking to him for 2 hours at a party last weekend was interested. I want to reiterate they spoke for 2 entire hours and he didn't realize she wanted to kiss him until he was told 10 minutes ago 9:33 PM 7/16/25 1.6M Views 292 17618 36K 2.3K 企
  • 09
    Austine @theereal_one imagine watching him walk back to the cockpit if she said no NEW YORK POST New York Post @nypost - 2/5/25 Pilot proposes to girlfriend midflight in heartwarming video: 'My co-pilot of love and life' trib.al/QySyPCX 9:31 AM 7/16/25 3.1M Views 568 14.9K 56K 1.1K ↑
  • 10
    Jay⭑ JAYBRONIOUS @jaybronious That one coworker at Astronomer who always knew something was going on but never had proof until the Coldplay clip came out. 10:38 AM 7/17/25 1.1M Views
  • 11
    Uncle Daddy Wee-Yum @MrGee54 Everybody in the HR dept watching the Head of HR lady walk in..... • 11:25 AM 7/17/25 2M Views 293 27 7.7K 97K 1.8K ↑
  • 12
    zhopamine @zedchrmsm this is how you should go to concerts if you've called in sick or you're cheating on your partners btw TAYLOR SWIFT FAN LOCAL 2 » WOMAN HIDES IDENTITY BECAUSE SHE CALLED IN SICK TO WORK • 10:24 AM 7/17/25 1M Views 79 7.4K 86K 1.5K 企
  • 13
    7/11 Truther * @Dave McNamee3000 [the other guy cheating on his wife at the Coldplay concert] phew • 12:46 PM 7/17/25 2.4M Views 88 27 6.7K 127K 1.6K
  • 14
    Alex Cohen @anothercohen "Just checking in to see if you've completed your Coldplay Concert module yet" 6:25 PM 7/17/25 6.3M Views 527 14.8K 97K 3.1K ↑
  • 15
    Cartoons Hate Her! @CartoonsHateHer Back in my day CEOs used to have affairs with their secretaries. Now, thanks to woke, they have affairs with 50-year-old Chief Pronoun Officers 8:24 PM 7/17/25 988K Views 147 17 2K 37K 1.3K ↑
  • 16
    milk @milkinhisbag how the head of hr at my company looks at me when coldplay announces new tour dates 4:20 PM 7/17/25 1.1M Views 49 1.7K 60K 1.5K ↑
  • 17
    KFC @kfc just know our sides are always HR approved 11:31 PM 7/18/25 3.5M Views . 1.5K 1 5.5K 49K ☐ 1.4K
  • 18
    ZeeTS @tisthezenseason chris martin after the show ended I just ended a 5 year relationship Omg are you okay? I'm fine, it wasn't my relationship 6:23 PM 7/17/25 1.9M Views 89 12K Delivered 127K 1.9K
  • 19
    Tara @boredwriter1 Every summer, fate chooses a CEO for the sacrifice. That's the ritual. ben @coldplayben. 14h rt to scare a ceo 9:32 PM 7/17/25.7.2M Views 197 1 32K OceanGate 291K 8.2K ↑
  • 20
    JP ** @Awakenjp he wearing PS2 graphics Yash @yxqash.8h That boy starched tf up!
  • 21
    Prof Sarah-Jayne Blakemore @sjblakemore I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase 'There's no such thing as a free lunch'. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is 'The only free cheese is in the mousetrap' - which is so much better 7:55 AM 7/16/25 989K Views 211 17 5.2K 49K 3.2K ↑
  • 22
    adrian @crawf34 embarrassing lack of knowledge on display here White Castle White Castle CAMPION winter @winterduck04.1d just remembered that americans don't have random old castles in the countryside that they can go and visit 9:07 AM 7/16/25 2.5M Views
  • 23
    RAGU Samantha Ruddy @samlymatters Moms will send texts like "Hey kids! Dad's full body transplant went well thank god We've known about it for months but didn't want to worry you! Also I quit my job and we moved to Florida. Text Aunt Laura for her birthday." • 7:55 PM 7/14/25 1.3M Views 75 1.4K 48K 1.5K ↑
  • 24
    RAISE PRAISE DALE Kristi Yamaguccimane @TheWapplehouse It was called Four Loko and like all perfect things we banned it Old Man Rattle @oldrattleagain. 19h they should invent a potion that gives you down syndrome for like an hour . 4:56 PM 7/17/25 344K Views 27 412 6.2K 215 ↑
  • 25
    alex turntine @turntineforwhat propaganda I'm not falling for: this thing is not the same as mopping Am 가 6:19 PM 7/15/25 5.2M Views • 916 175.8K Swiffer 86K ☐ 2.5K
  • 26
    Philip Porter @PhilipPort13102 My 12yo son is begging me for a phone, but he got so bored this summer that he went to the bookshelf and pulled off a copy of the Iliad, asked me if it was any good, and has been reading it for the last three days. Not helping his case. • 4:29 PM 7/15/25 2.5M Views 222 17 2.8K 128K 3.7K ↑
  • 27
    alex forrest @ALEXFORREST guy in front of me at the movies was reading the popcorn wikipedia page while he was eating popcorn 4:00 PM 7/15/25 3.3M Views • 597 9.6K 138K 4.4K ↑
  • 28
    Nina Infinity → @Nina7Infinity I'm just gonna take a wild guess that it's Pedro Pascal. Ce Daily Harry Potter @TheDailyHPotter. 1d Voldemort is already cast and will appear in multiple episodes To keep it a surprise, HBO has decided not to announce who has been cast as Voldemort
  • 29
    this foo @daveed 1931 Getting caught having an affair with an executive at a Coldplay concert gotta be top 5 whitest things in history 11:47 AM 7/17/25 .3M Views > 218 tz 15K 178K 3.9K ↑
  • 30
    Mrs. Holly Fox-Klaufeld ☑❤ @_Holly_Fox The gen z stare. The millennial pause. Instead let's talk about the boomer inappropriate personal question 4:25 AM 7/18/25 4.4M Views 684 19K 215K 7.7K 企
  • 31
    Pony • YKTN @coladaclan 纖 Wait, is it not Terrible Maps @TerribleMaps. 1d Map of what Europeans think is the 'South' in the USA WA OR D MT ND MN SD WI WY MI NY VT ME HHC IA PA -NJ NE NV OH DE UT IL IN CO WV MD CA VA KS MO KY DC NC TN OK AZ NM AR SC MS AL GA TX LA AK HI 6:51 AM 7/18/25.42M Views 4.5K tz 7.7K The South 332K ☐ 19K ↑
  • 32
    BO @bo_austin_ globalize the enchilada Google Suggestions Q globalize Q globalize the enchilada Q globalize meaning Qglobalize the intifada meaning 10:30 AM 7/18/25 60K Views 16 17175 2.6K 114 K K K
  • 33
    ΚΩΡΙ @bbjkap when I was 16 a girl wanted to come over and watch a movie. When she came she asked why I wanted to watch it in the living room instead of on a laptop in my *bed*. I replied sayin we recently got a 4K TV and it was better resolution, and that laptops simply aren't good for films 5:46 AM 7/18/25.5.5M Views 885 14.9K 163K 9.6K
  • 34
    Narwitz @SophiaNarwitz Because Emergency Room doctors don't already have enough to deal with. World of Engineering @engineers_feed-1d Japanese design firm Kenji Abe has designed a glass beer bottle that you can stick into the sand on the beach Gean Blixtonese 6:07 AM 7/20/25 4.5M Views 311 18.1K 156K 2.5K 企
  • 35
    Thad @turbothad The bride and groom just sat everyone down and said "Alright folks we know everyone's hungry... So we're auctioning off the first plate of dinner, whoever buys it gets their table served first. Proceeds go to our Alaska fishing trip honeymoon." Plate sold for $1500. Brilliant • 8:47 PM 7/19/25 3.2M Views . 387 17 2.3K 116K 5.1K ↑
  • 36
    dinosaur @dinosaurs1969 if this flag offends you ill help you pack BACK THE BLAST 10:30 PM 7/19/25 385K Views 34 17660 7.5K 447
  • 37
    JS @jaacknffc Sat on tram and there's genuinely a 11/10 opposite me, perfect time for me to say absolutely nothing and think about her until I'm 34 2:04 PM 7/19/25 1.9M Views 136 • . 1.4K 58K ☐ 2.3K
  • 38
    juandissimo @Treeoflife At a goodwill and I found this on the media section JULIE & NICHOLAS Julie Evans and Nicholas Newman Married on October 4th 2015
  • 39
    Joel Jeffrey @joeljeffrey Don't donate your plasma. It's a big scam and they're just using it to make TVs. 2:05 PM · 7/18/25 · 2.4M Views 130 15.2K 78K ☐ 1.1K
  • 40
    Andrew Gebo @Gebo This would taste so much better if I had spent the day swimming instead of working. . 4 2 10 M 5 BOO 9 D C A 9 6 1 5 0 P G he M 4 4 4
  • 41
    1997 FORD FIESTA @skooookum he didn't know you're not supposed to lick the uber driver's elbow 65

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